ducking duties

i’ve wronged myself and many
it’s a great debt
but what is wrong is the guilt
not the rent of it
not even my sentiment
of it

here i lay, words and hands disposed
look at me – the penitent, eternally paying
sold cheap, as i serve my soul
curved, exposed
eu sou 
my sole consciousness

to go on with short hopes
and long desires
at each dusk, each dawn
each touch
yet cringing
because of a guilt
that is not mine





“saying if i was free is like, like – if i had a hammer, for instance: so many things to built, so many people to kill!”

“you’re the one talking nonsense, blog. nobody is free, i know that! i’m just saying..”

“what’s your angle, anyways?”

“don’t interrupt me! i was gonna..”

“because, you know – very much airfat, all this talk.” 

“for particle’s sake, man! shut it and listen! the high coun..”

“remember silly? now she’s a breeder, and nothing we can do about it because-we-are-not-free, got?”

i roll my eyes extensively, for more effect, and pause them on blog again. i had met him at the entropy_meet under_within, and we were both sent back to the flamboyant’s promenade: the particle was waiting for us at the entropy, it knew we’d come in at the same moment. after i safely opened my eyes at the promenade, i had to crisscross 2 flesh_flows to get to the meat_meet where blog was waiting for me with his bite_bit.

we are strolling leisurely, along with the third ration_bit crowd, towards the top of the hill, as the sun starts to set. we are following the yellow line and doing our best to avoid eye_contact with peasants and chimps, sharing blog’s lunch: half ba_nano and half breed_bread each, which is not enough for both of us but will have to do. i cannot take my ration out of my pocket, because it’d suck too much attention: abbees are impossible to be found in the city, only the cadre_inc has access to this tiny feed_rich fruit. and the wicked, of course.

“i mean, of course we gotta keep in mind our primary condition..”


i swallow my last ba_nano piece with this word: there’s no way to get a pessimist to understand any possible option out of a situation that nicely feeds his pessimisme. blog is our i_t in the city, but lately there’s been talk among the wicked of his growing detrition, a common malaise for undercover humans in azza. blog stares at the landscape, his sad eyes are now avoiding me: he knows, as much as i do, that his pessimism is corroding the force within, and that he’ll soon be transferred – in fact, he longs for that already.

“hey buddy, it’s almost time.”

we both look at the confound_compound, van zante’s cadre_inc palace. the last sun shoots orange rays onto the compound’s golden roofs, and we look away: the light is just too unbearable. the whole compound is shining like a gigantic toxic flower on top of the hill.

“airfat, golden airfat..”






13_bigger family, lucky

ailin looks at the night sky, a carpet of stars so gloriously gorgeous, then it comes, the sudden corky insight – she’s living her life upside down! which makes sense.. she follows the path of the skyways slowly and smiles: drew would have laughed at her yet-again corky-insight..

it’s cold. she tucks deeper in her flies_blnkt and writes:

drew, i have so much to say that i silence, and i say so much i should silence – i know these are endless contradictions, repetitions of oneself thinking themselves (i know, bad grammar correct arithmetics) thinking themselves unique consciousness – and i mean unconciousnesslessess – that’s language, my love, language: hi there, i’m here – contact!
i feel the real sad thing is the impossibility of contact, of communication, and the extreem forms of it, with death at the end of our conscious universe, our contact which forms the universe and its particles – life as in endless reproduction of a multi self? i digress because the only things i have now are those words, my love.
i’d written you another letter earlier telling you so many things about life and love, of course i lost it. then virgo had sent to me, i met her at the velvet stone and she told me about the glitch. of course we all knew about something – it has a title thus: glitch.
oh i so wish you’d be here with me now and always, not in a cold forest alone at night (like me) – but you love the stars, don’t you my star, my dear love? and the stars love you back.
i’m also on my way, i hate to tell you it’s difficult, today i’ve cried on public, in front of the :eye: – i know, i’m weak.. i’m sorry about that, i promise i’ll do better the next time etc, please do believe me. i’ve been weakened by the non-stop drain of energy, and yet – it’s so incredible how much of life’s still left!

ailin looks at the night sky, and there’s a silver glow stunning the landscape, everything is in silent prostration to the glory of itself all. she feels it, she belongs to it – earth is gripping her buttocks, thighs, calves, feet, it’s penetrating her –